It’s been quite a summer. I had just come home from a few days at the hospital getting over a cold, when my husband drove me back to the ER. I didn’t want to go because hospitals always mean IV to me. But he insisted. I was so tired when we got there that it’s like a dream, or nightmare, to me. I had a stroke. I spent a month in ICU and ICU stepdown and another month at rehab. I had to learn to swallow again and begin learning how to walk. It is definitely the worst of it. I could not remember why life was necessary at all. I spent quite a bit of time wondering what it would be like to die because living was so hard. Then, I remembered the wonderful children God gave me and I knew why I had to keep breathing.
I hate the way I am now, helpless, needy. I can swallow again but walking is another story. I need someone with me at all times. My father says I am a young 65 year old, 20 years from there! I want to walk out the door and drive wherever I want! But I cannot. It’s hard for me to believe, but God has this. He has loved me from the moment this started and He hasn’t stopped. He knows the end from the beginning. His ways are perfect. He loves me and my children.
Thank you to everyone who stayed with me the past two months. I appreciate you and your love towards me. Thank you, mom, for taking the boys and giving them laughter when all they had were tears. Thank you to my husband, who stayed almost every night at rehab and walked me to the bathroom. If you hadn’t been helping me, I would not have made the progress I have. Thank you, God, for loving me, especially when I was not very loveable. Thank you.
I am going for an MRI next week and I should know more. I am praying just to get through the MRI! The last one showed the effects of the stroke and the tumors were not growing. Let’s pray for good news on this one!